Who Am I Kidding?

YES...I'm loving my baby moon.  I'm getting the "normal" amount of sleep that you get with a newborn.  I'm enjoying the slower pace.  I'm learning how to manage outings with two.  I'm doing laundry, although not really keeping up with it, and I'm cooking dinners again.  Physically I feel better.  There is still some sensitivity around my incision area, but it's definitely healing.  My belly still looks like I'm 5 months pregnant, but that's just part of the deal.  I will say that I can't wait for the day when I can wear pants with a zipper, and when I can get back to yoga and Zumba!

I had this big idea that it was time to start work again.  Since I work from home and for myself I set my own schedule and pace.  I love that I have the flexibility and freedom to do this.  Being a work-from-home, stay-at-home mom has been a dream of mine since I started having children.  (Here's just a piece of my creative journey that helped get me to this place.)  I was starting to get the hang of it with one child, but now that I have another one I'm finding that just taking a shower - one where I can shave my legs AND dry my hair - is a great accomplishment for the week!

So needless to say my attempts at making Art Every Day have, um...been challenging.  I've felted a little, I've written some, and I've played with legos and play dough.  I even had my sister come over to watch Kestan so that I could enjoy some time in my art room.  And although Kestan had a great time playing with Aunt Lindsay, I became frustrated because I set expectations that were not getting met.  I wanted to paint and instead I spent most of the three hours nursing, cleaning and trying to just get myself ready for the day.  And that's when the feeling of being overwhelmed kicked in.

Caring for all the needs of two children, cleaning, cooking, running a business, visiting with friends, quality time with my husband, keeping up with finances, planning for the future and on and on and on.  Trying to "do it all" is for the birds.  I mean, who am I kidding anyway?

Frustrated?  Overwhelmed?  Stressed?  Is this how I want to spend my days?

And that's when I reminded myself, "YOU HAVE A NEWBORN, SHAN!"  Chill out.  Relax.  Get more sleep.  Let gooooo...  Enjoy yourself and your time with your babes - they are growing up so fast!

So the next day I didn't set any expectations or have any plans in mind.  I ended up spontaneously creating some new meals, felting some holiday crafts, playing with my boys and I even got a nap in.  No expectations and no planning is where I need to stay right now.  I find I'm way less frustrated, overwhelemd, and stressed when I stop setting myself up with unrealistic expectations.

And instead of having these big ideas of jumping right back into work (after only a month), or painting, or opening up my Etsy shop again, I've decided to let each day be my guide.  So today I returned to my knitting needles, not only because I find knitting to be relaxing and meditative, but because it's the one thing I can do while nursing!

HEY WORKING MOMS - I want to hear from you!  How do you balance the joy (and challenges) of motherhood with your creative and personal interests?

Your Personal Reflection:  Do you ever set expectations or make plans only to see it end in disappointment and frustration?  How can you continue to plan for the future but live in the present moment, with less expectations of how things "should" be?  Try going through your day today with less worry and more unplanned experiences - and see how you feel.

A Different Perspective

During the weeks before Ashton was born I made sure to spend tons of quality time with Kestan.  I knew we were all in for some big changes and I was kind of emotional about it.  I let go of work and made sure to be less distracted and more present so that he was getting my fullest attention.

We went on lots of "adventures" and took time for creative play.  Here's a fun activity we did that I think many of you will enjoy doing, too.

After reading this post on Aimee's Artsyville site I got the bug to drive to Lawrence. She lives in my college hometown, which happens to be about 45 minutes from where I live.  It's a really cool, creative, indie place and anytime I find myself craving inspiration I gotta make the drive there.  

So Kestan and I went on a short road trip for some spontaneous fun.  The only goal - to let Kestan lead the way with coffee and camera in hand.

I bought him a disposable camera, which for a two-year-old who can already operate an IPhone this was a lot like buying him something as archaic as a VHS tape.  He didn't get why you couldn't see the photos instantly and he really didn't get why he couldn't record video.

But once he got past the novelty of this old-fashioned thing he had a fabulous time getting to express himself through the lens.

And I just smiled as I waddled slowly behind him.  It was so adorable seeing what caught his eye.

He made sure to have his "hot coffee" (aka: water) with him, too, and stopped about every 20 feet to take a photo and grab a swig.

And here are just a few of his unedited, super-fab shots...

Isn't it cool to see from the perspective of a child?    

Another thing he didn't understand was - what happened to his camera?  Why in the world did we give it to the lady at the grocery store and instead of giving his camera back, he got an envelope of photos instead?

But he sure loved sharing his photos with us - and each one had their own special story.  I gave him an old photo album that I found from decluttering my art closet and now he has his own special book.  

This was such a fun experience and I can't wait to get him another camera!

Your Personal Reflection:  Get out and play with your camera today (and if you have kids - let them join in on the fun!)   Enjoy moving slower, being spontaneous and seeing things in a new way.

Creating to Be

We are approaching week three of having this sweet, little soul as a new member of our family.  I'm SO in love!!  I'm feeling better and better every day.  I've really enjoyed taking it slow.  And yet, there are times where I notice that in between the taking-it-slow moments, I've had this underlying feeling that I "should" be doing "something."

If I sit in silence for too long I start to stir.  Here I am recovering from a cesarean birth and I have strict guidelines to follow.  I can't drive for at least 3 weeks.  I shouldn't hold or lift anything more than 10 lbs.  I need to be careful bending over, turning, twisting and getting up.  Even sneezing hurts.  So jumping into my "normal" way of doing things wasn't about to happen the last few weeks.

Not only have I recognized my need to keep busy, but being home with my husband for the last three weeks has shown me my need for control.  It has been a learning experience, especially the first week being home with our newborn.  Both my husband and I are first borns, Capricorns and very independent.  We've had to learn how to adjust to being in each other's space 24/7 and I've had to practice letting go of my need to have things done in a certain way.  Ahhh....letting go is a daily practice isn't it!?

Ok...I surrender!

I rest.  I nurse.  I love my babes.  I take it s l o w e r...

And as I observe my need for control, I'm reminded that when I jump fully into the creative process is when I feel the most light, happy and free.   I'm in the mood to play and wrap my arms around the process again - that place where I create with no "right way" in mind, no expectations, no "to do's" or "should's," and no control of the outcome.

Creating to me is a great practice in surrender.  That's why I've joined the Art Every Day Month challenge for the second time.   Yet, I'm putting no pressure on myself to actually make art every day.  My focus is still to rest, to go slow, and to bond with my babe.  This challenge simply acts as a reminder that it's in the flow of creating that I am much more willing to let go, to love the moment, and to simply BE.  And that is a daily practice worth embracing.

Your Personal Reflection:  What activities or experiences can you totally lose all track of time doing?  When do you feel in the flow or zone?  What are you ready to let go of so you can fully embrace the present moment? (Psst...there's still time to join the Art Every Day Month challenge!)

(BIG thank you to all of you for your love, support and beautiful comments on my birth story post.  xoxo)

Thank You November

In appreciation for an amazing gift that Leah has provided through her Art Every Day Month experience, I would like to share a gift with you!

As we welcome winter - the month of retreat, reflection and solitude - and with the new year just around the corner, I'd like you to think about this one question:

Your Personal Reflection: What would you like to bring into your life this new year?

Leave a comment for your chance to win one of my free spirit funky felts. I will draw a name on December 1st.

There's Some Knitting & Felting Goin' On

Today - Sunny. 66 degrees. No plans. Loving life.

As I continue making art every day for the month of November, I've had the bug to play with some fiber. Here are a few of my recent projects.

Funky, fuzzy, knitted scarf:

And felted wool rings. I'm excited to make more of these!

Your Personal Reflection: What are you creating today?

Loving Messy

The recycle bin is becoming my favorite hot spot for finding perfect painting tools. Nothing around this house is safe from my paints!

As I continue making art every day, I am having a lot of fun being really messy. The more I paint, the messier I get. Feeling freer in my painting has allowed me to reflect on "control" and what that symbolizes in my life. Having Kestan has definitely been a great practice for me in letting go and not taking life so seriously. It's pretty hard to feel "in control" when I've got an almost 2-year-old calling the shots. And how can I be that serious when one of our favorite activities is playing with the fart machine? Now that's some quality homeschooling right there.

This painting acts as my reminder that I don't always have to feel "in control", and that lots of good can come from being messy. I am allowing myself to stress less, clean less, PLAY more and it feels amazing.

Your Personal Reflection: When do you let yourself get messy? Do something really messy today, and leave the mess for a while. Seriously, enjoy being a little out of control. Do something really messy...play in the mud, eat with your hands, finger paint, start a food fight... See how you feel when you allow yourself to stay in the mess.

Facing the Blank Page

For my art every day challenge, I painted this simple tree today. It is my visual reminder of how creatively alive and connected to the source I feel when I allow myself to slow down and be fully present. I can imagine myself laying peacefully underneath the branches, while soaking in the sun's warmth.

When I first stepped foot in the studio this morning, the paints, brushes, white paper and quiet space felt a little intimidating. They told me to go find something "easier" to do, like cleaning the kitchen or starting a grocery list, or reorganizing the art room (again). I chose to ignore those voices and instead, I stayed there, BEING in the space. Breathing in the stillness. Not sure where to go. Feeling a little uncomfortable.

And in this uncertain space I found myself drawn to this painting that my toddler, Kestan, created a few months back.
Look at how free his brush strokes are. I love how vibrantly alive it feels.

His painting became my inspiration today. It helped me face the blank page. It reminded me that I, too, can let my brush strokes free, and that playing with paint, without being attached to any particular outcome, allows me to create from an authentic place. I'm very happy that I chose space, rather than filling it with my "to do" list. Because it's in the SPACE that the true magic happens.

Your Personal Reflection: When do you let "should's", "have to's" and self-generated "to do lists" keep you from doing what you love most?

Creative Recycling

Just as I was about to make my way to the art store for a new paint holder, I found a much better solution.

Your Personal Reflection: How can you look at the "ordinary" in a new way?

Become a Bold Explorer of Your Life

I love getting my hands dirty. When I make art, I make a mess. I can't help myself. And the messier I get, the better I feel. Just seeing chalk or paint or glue on my hands sets my creative energy on fire! I become totally IN the moment. I feel connected. I feel alive.

Today for my "art every day month" challenge, I started sketching logos for my upcoming e-course. With some white paper, a couple of brushes and black paint, I played around with some rough doodles.

I'm so excited to be at this stage of my class preparation, because although I've been focusing on developing it since June, it has truly been in the works most of my creative life, and I'm SO excited to share it with you.

This soul e-course is 4-weeks long, running from January 18th - February 12th. It's a wonderful opportunity to discover more about YOU, release old fears, celebrate new dreams, nurture your creativity, and will inspire you to express your vibrant brilliance more fully into the world.

Inside Out™:

A Creative Adventure of Self-Discovery through Personal Art Journaling

We are living during some challenging times. Fear, worry, anxiety, and confusion can make us feel completely depleted and stuck. NOW is the time to become a BOLD explorer of your life.

In this course you will:
*connect with a like-minded, supportive community
*deeply learn more about yourself

*set powerful intentions for a new year (and a new life!)
*discover thought patterns and learn techniques to fully expand to your greatness
*define your values, creative & life goals, and learn how to take action to make them real
*play with paint, doodle, collage and more, turning a blank journal into your vibrant guidebook
*receive personal life and creativity coaching

*feel more creative, more clear, more alive

*participate at your own pace and in the comfort of your own home

You will receive:
*weekly guided meditations (audio podcasts)
*daily writing exercises, art prompts and self-discovery techniques & inspiration
*yoga and breath techniques & guidance
*weekly LIVE journal jams with the community
*and more surprises...

OK...this is simply a SNEAK PEAK...a taste of what's to come. Take a moment and sign up to join my mailing list and you will be the first to know when this class is open for registration. Just fill out your name and email address on the top right of this page.

No more hesitation. We CAN live more BOLDLY, FULLY, FREELY. Let's do it together.

(p.s. NO art or yoga experience is necessary!) ...a beginner's mind is a good thing!

Visit www.freespiritknits.com to learn more.

Your Personal Reflection: Are you ready to OPEN your heart and give yourself the gift of a creative adventure?

Playing with Paint

Keeping creating each day as a priority, I worked on some background pages in my journal today. These pages are just calling out for more images and words and texture and layers, however, I'm happy to let them sit in stillness for a while.

This next painting was magically produced by my 21-month-old artist. He likes to paint when I do, which is great for both of us!

Your Personal Reflection: When have you given yourself some quiet time to nurture your innate, child-like intuition, and let yourself play with paint?

Today is the first day of the Art Every Day Challenge. For the entire month of November I am making the commitment to do something creative every day.

My choice today - to knit. I'm working on a soft, yummy, yellow bamboo scarf. So I took some time today to knit some rows.

Your Personal Reflection: Are you ready for a creative challenge?