Healing Through Writing

I have never considered myself a "writer."  And even though I've been writing my blog for a few years now, I just had a new realization...this space is helping me heal old wounds associated with writing.

You see, going back to first grade, I distinctly remember a traumatic experience at a spelling bee.  I was sitting in a college classroom with several other students.  It was my first spelling bee (and my last).  It was my turn and the word was "once."  I remembered the rules like a good student would.  Repeat the word (once) and then spell it, then repeat the word again.  I spoke, "Once."  "O."  Then I thought about it again, to make sure I was getting it right.  Ok... "O-N-C-E.  Once."  Phew...I got it right.

Then, the teacher spoke up, and told me I spelled it wrong because I said two "o's."  She proceeded to rewind the tape so we could all hear it again.  I was mortified.  I was only six.  I was sitting there in my seat, while my "mistake" was put on display for all to hear. I left the room crying and luckily my parents were waiting for me in the hallway.

From that moment on, I accepted my new thought, "I am a bad speller."  And I equated "bad speller" with "bad writer" for many years.

Skip to fourth grade.  I had some very controlling catholic schoolteachers at this age. Conformity seemed to be of the utmost importance.  I can see this clearly now just thinking back to the way they taught me "handwriting."

My teachers seemed obsessed with making sure I wrote with a perfect "slant."  My letters had to go to the right.  For any left-handed student, you know that this can be a challenge.  But we do what it takes to get it "right."  I tried everything, like turning my paper to a slant and kinking my neck so far to the right so I could see over my hand.

And not only did I write "too up and down," I was also told I wrote "too wide."  One of my teachers would even sneak up behind me and rip the pencil out of my hand to make sure I wasn't gripping "too hard!"  It seems so ridiculous now.  How cool would it have been had they focused their energy on teaching me about self-worth and personal expression, rather than pointing out my so-called writing flaws?

By the end of the year I had won the "Best Handwriting" award.  What it should have said was, "Best Job at Conforming and Doing What it Takes to Get the Grade" award.  I did it. I learned how to be a good student and get my teacher's approval.

In college I had a lot of friends who were "writers" but I never thought I was one.  I could never be one of "them" because I was a terrible speller and therefore a terrible writer.

After college I landed a job where writing was part of my job description.  I felt like a fake. A phony.  I definitely didn't believe I was a writer, but I played the part well.

I've journaled for years and years and years...writing in secret.  And I was scared to start a blog, mainly because I didn't want people to see my misspellings and grammatical errors.  But I did it anyway and have never looked back.  After blogging for a bit I started embracing a new thought..."I like writing."  And after my recent computer cleanse I was reminded that writing helps me process.  It helps me release my creative energy.  It has helped me find my voice.  And it continues to be an amazing self-discovery tool that helps me heal and grow.  I love to write.  I have to write.

I write with mistakes, wide, up and down, upside down, over and out, inward and outward...

This is me.

Imperfect.

Complete.

Whole.

Your Personal Reflection:  So many of the beliefs we embrace now were formed from our past experiences.  What thoughts are you ready to release?  BEcome and BE yourself - today and always (despite what anyone told you in the past).  NOW is the time to set yourself free.  Think a new, positive thought and you will truly start to heal and change your life.

Have you ever wanted to start a blog, but let fear get in the way?  Maybe you read blogs, but never leave comments?  Is today the day you'll express YOUR voice through words?

Dear Mom,

me and my mom

I write this to you after spending the 
last three hours nursing Ashton to sleep, 
then "talking stories" to Kestan 
and a bed full of dinosaurs.
I never appreciated just how much you did for me
until I became a mother.
The sleepless nights, the diapers, the teething, the tears,
the puke, the amazing amounts of gunk and crumbs I find throughout the house...
I had no idea how hard this job could be.  
And yet none of that ever really matters, 
because being a mother is just so dang rewarding.
My heart has expanded beyond measure.
My joy is endless.
Because my children are an amazing blessing.
Great, wonderful gifts.
Just as being your daughter is.
Thank you for teaching me how to 
love. 
Unconditionally. 
With arms wide open.
I celebrate your wisdom today, 
and all the mothers who are 
or whoever will be.

Your Personal Reflection:  Thank a mother in your life today.

Let Your Dreams Bloom

I received quite a few emails and comments over the last few days in response to my Lessons from a Computer Cleanse post and it looks like I'm not the only one fumbling through my days trying to find "time" for it all!  Thanks to those of you who reached out, offered suggestions and shared your own struggles.  I truly believe that when we relate and connect in an authentic way we invite Life to help us expand and grow.

Life doesn't have to be hard, overwhelming, and full to the brim, yet most of us find ourselves trying to keep our head above water.  There's just too much to do and not enough time in the day.  So we find ourselves day-in and day-out repeating those old thoughts and patterns...If I only had more money...If I only had more time...If he would just do this...If she would just do that...I should be doing this...and I really shouldn't be doing that...I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, rich enough and on and on and on...

And while we are busy telling ourselves all the reasons why we can't find happiness NOW life is passing us by.  NOW is the time to clear out our mental clutter, because just as there is beauty that comes from clearing out the weeds in the garden, there is beauty inside you waiting to bloom.

As you move through your day today become more aware of the beauty you see around you and within you.  Truly take the time to stop and smell the flowers.  There is wisdom in that beauty, just as there is wisdom in you.

Life is beautiful.  YOU are beautiful.  Let yourself and your dreams bloom, because YOU deserve happiness and YOU have goodness to share with the world.

Your Personal Reflection:  What would you do with your life if time and money were not a concern?  Are you wasting time and energy on negative mental clutter?  What beauty do you see, around you and within you, when you stop to smell the flowers?

Have you signed up to receive my monthly newsletter?  In my next issue I'll be sharing some tips on how to change your thoughts and ways to create more time in your daily life to allow your dreams to bloom. Sign-up today.

Take a New Look

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.  It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.  -unknown

The other day I took the boys, a sack lunch, a ball and a blanket to the park.  We walked around the pond, played on the swings and then spent well over an hour soaking up the sun (with SPF 40!) on a blanket.  I snapped this shot while lying down and I couldn't help but observe what happens when I change my perspective on things.

Had I not taken the time to lie down I may have never noticed the view above me. Looking up made me realize that there wasn't a cloud in the sky.  It reminded me that there's only one sun, and even though we are miles apart, we all receive rays from the same source.  And it helped me let go of any "to do" lists in my mind because in that moment nothing else mattered but breathing and laughing and being with my little humans.

Sometimes we have to slow way down, even lie down, to see something afresh.  And seeing things in a different light, from a totally new perspective, can help us think a new thought.  Did you know we think over 60,000 thoughts a day?  And I bet many of us are repeating the same old (mostly negative) thoughts.  Sometimes the only way to break free of these old thoughts is to stop and take a new look, because there's always another view.

Your Personal Reflection: Give yourself 5 minutes today to slow down, or even lie down, and notice your thoughts.  What are you thinking about?  Is it time to think a new thought?  Embrace your imperfections and allow yourself to see something in a whole new way.    

Lessons from a Computer Cleanse

Wow!  It's been 27 days since taking a break from the Internet and I'm sitting at my keyboard feeling a little unsure.  I have thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head and heart because I'm telling you...this computer cleanse was an eye opener for me.  I'll do my best to try articulating some of the key lessons that unplugging has helped me learn.

Connection is Key

It's funny that disconnecting has reminded me just how important staying connected really is!  For the first week or so of my April Unplugged challenge I fought it tooth and nail.  I wanted out.  I was so close to writing a "just kidding" post and I kept reaching for my phone as if it were a drug.  I just gotta have it.  My thumb was working in autopilot - reaching for the Facebook or Twitter app when I wasn't paying attention.

But I refrained.  I stayed away.  And soon, my resistance dissipated.

Over the last month my heart has filled with such gratitude for the connections I've made around the world - all from this little art room in Kansas.  I thought I had been appreciating my newfound friendships, but it really is true that sometimes you don't know or recognize what you have until it's gone.

For almost two years now I've made a living teaching e-courses, writing, coaching and connecting to other life explorers.  I made this job up because I followed my passion and commitment and the Internet has opened a world of possibilities for my creative work to flourish.  And in following my heart I have connected and built life-long relationships that go way beyond the surface.  What a gift!

Staying connected is invaluable.  It helps me grow.  It reminds me I'm not alone.  And it brings me great joy.

Present Moment Brings Balance

When in balance, reading and writing blog posts gives inspiration and offers me a creative outlet.  But when I get sucked into cyber-ville out of habit then I feel drained and scattered.  A habit after all is doing something with a lack of self-awareness.  And not being aware of my actions or intentions keeps me from living in the moment.

So this computer cleanse reminded me to put away my phone more often, to check my email less throughout the day and to be more efficient with my computer time.  I now have a babysitter who comes two part-time mornings each week so I save my main computer time for these moments.  I've scheduled two days a week for adventures with the kids outside the house.  When it's work time, I work.  When it's play time, I play. When it's laundry time, I fold the clothes (and Kestan jumps in them).  When it's bubble time, we blow bubbles.  I used to be anti-schedule, but now I find it so refreshing!   Being mindful of how I use my time helps me feel less cluttered and more alive and in the moment.  My kids seem to really appreciate this, too.

Clarity of Purpose

Reframing how and when I use the computer has helped me shift my consciousness this past month.  I read more books, like Momma Zen by Karen Maezen Miller, The Backyard Homestead by Carleen Madigan and Feeding the Whole Family by Cynthia Lair.  I listened to inspiration from my yoga teacher's guru.  I enjoyed more quiet time for self-reflection and discovery instead of filling up my brain with a bazillion tweets.  (Which to me feels a lot like stepping into the monkey mind of the entire world.  I've got enough restless thoughts of my own thank you very much! Don't get me wrong - I still love me some Twitter in moderation.)  And, I enjoyed returning to my journal to process these new shifts.

Cleansing from the computer gave me some much needed time to paint.  I find painting, and many creative activities to be a spiritual practice, one that helps align my heart center with my mind.  With the inspiration of Shona Cole in her Wish Big e-camp course, I created what she calls an "artist vision statement."  This painting is my daily visual reminder of what my purpose is in life, and having this clarity guides my intentions on how I use the computer to feed that purpose, rather than deplete it.

I am a vibrant being - full of life.  Joy, compassion, peace and happiness surround my days as I embrace the present moment.  I create art and experiences that reflect my inner journey and beauty...and I inspire other life explorers to let their fullest light shine bright.  I create with my children and guide them to celebrate and express their unique gifts with the world.  I am free...

So, I'm still learning.  That's what life is all about, isn't it?  But today I throw out my arms and give you the biggest hug!  SO happy to be back bloggin' with ya.  My intention after this computer cleanse is to continue practicing self-awareness so I don't reach for the Internet out of habit, but use it as a tool to connect to this wonderful world...and YOU!

Your Personal Reflection:  What habits, thoughts or behaviors do you do without self-awareness?  Are you ready for a cleanse?  

"Love" for Japan

Kindness in words creates confidence.  Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.  Kindness in giving creates love.  -Lao Tzu

I am taking a quick break from my April Unplugged challenge (which by the way is hard and I miss you all so much!) to share a new print I have for sale.

100% of the sales for my "Love" print are being donated to help the people of Japan affected by the horrible aftermaths of the recent earthquake and tsunami.

Take a look HERE for more information and make your donation today. You will receive your heart within two weeks.

Thanks for all you do and let's keep sharing, connecting, growing and giving together!

xo, peace and love,
shannon

(My newsletter goes out next week.  Have you signed up?)

April Unplugged (no foolin')

I grew up Catholic, and although I don't affiliate with a particular religion anymore, I do appreciate the symbolism of lent.  As a child I always got excited about picking my one thing to "give-up."  It was usually candy or pop or ice cream.  And I was actually pretty darn good about it.  I loved the feeling when Easter day came around and I could say, "I did it!"  I like using this time of year for deep reflection and I value the insight that I can gain when I let go of something I no longer need.  This letting go allows me to step inward and helps limit the amount of external distractions in my life.

As much as I love the Internet and connecting with YOU, I've gotta say that I can see how my few minutes of computer time here and there throughout the day distract me.  I get on to upload some photos, then hear a ding alerting me that another email just arrived. I jump over to my inbox to read it, which takes me to Facebook and before I know it I'm reading about what my old high school friend is eating for lunch.  Then the baby is up from his nap and I didn't get a chance to do the one thing I had intended to do in the first place - which was to simply upload photos!  Can you relate?

So in preparation for new projects I'm cultivating this spring, I've decided that I'm going to use the month of April to limit distractions.  And that's why I'm "giving up" the computer for one month.

Here are my April Unplugged rules:  Until Easter, I'm staying away from Facebook and Twitter.  No writing posts.  No reading posts.  No writing blogs (eeks).  No reading blogs (gulp).  I can check and respond to emails, but will limit my time.  I can do business related computer work, like writing articles for online magazine deadlines, keeping connected to my Inside Out community forum and doing research related to my website redesign.  (I found a graphic/web designer who is going to help me with this...and soon I'll be working on new e-courses, too!  Sooo excited.) I can write and send out my first newsletter.   (Sign-up so I can send you one, too!)  And that's it. 

Since I have little boys who need my love and attention, I have to be wise about how I spend my time.  I know that just by giving up my tendencies to get sucked into computer land I will have more space and energy to focus on what matters most...

Like enjoying the fresh air...

playing... 

BEing together...

and noticing spring.

Just getting ready to post this challenge and I'm already feeling some resistance.  I guess that's a reminder that when we "give up" something we are attached to, it may not come easy at first, but there's gotta be beauty and insight along the journey...right?  

So...here it goes... 

Your Personal Reflection:  What can you "give up" this spring so that you can free up time to focus on things that need attention in your life?

Please note:  I have an exciting art piece to share with you.  When it's ready I will allow myself one blog post and one Twitter/Facebook mention...but that's it!  I sure like making up my own rules...

And a special thanks to these free spirits for adding the I'm a Free Spirit badge to their site:  Lily, Elliefants, Soul Cadence, Aarian, Erin, Amanda, and Exploring Life!