Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Please Don't Say These Things

"Wow, you are really big!  How much weight have you gained?  Are you sure you aren't having twins?  Your belly is huge.  You've gotten way bigger in the last week!  Whoa, when are you due?  You look so much bigger than your first pregnancy.  Looks like you'll be having this baby any day now."

Seriously.  I've heard all of these comments in the last few weeks.  Let's just think about it for a minute. Would we say these to anyone who wasn't pregnant?  Then why do we feel it's OK, appropriate and downright expected to say such statements to a hormonal, hot, out-of-breath, can't-find-anything-that-fits, gotta-pee-every-second, tired, swollen feet and yes...BIG mama!?  

We know we are big!  We know our bellies, breasts and other parts are expanding!  We know we are adding a pound a week.  But do we really want to hear this from everyone we encounter in a day?  Do we want this to be pointed out in the grocery store, at morning playgroup or at the family wedding?  Can we talk about something else PLEASE, anything else, other than (what feels like) my ginormous body?

Don't get me wrong - I'm very proud of my growing belly.  Feeling so deeply connected to the life inside of me is the greatest gift in the whole world.  In fact, I tell him everyday to get bigger and bigger.  I love that I'm getting bigger because I know he is, too.  

I just want to speak up for all those pregnant women who have to put up with the fact that our weight seems to be the topic of every conversation we're in. 

And I also know that most people who say these comments have the best intentions in mind. I don't think they are saying it maliciously - sometimes we just don't know what else to say.

Here's my suggestion - give a compliment.  "You look beautiful today.  You are glowing.  You are going to be the best mom.  I'm so excited to see what your precious little soul will be like."  And it's going to be up to us to accept and receive these compliments.  Rather than saying, "Oh...I feel like a cow," say, "Thank you.  I really appreciate it."  

Your Personal Reflection:  Give someone (pregnant or not) a compliment today.  It will make them smile and it will make you feel good, too.


  1. You are a beautiful, radiant soul who happens to be carrying another expanding, precious gift from the Universe. And THAT makes you all the more radiant by the minute.

  2. My first compliment of the day goes to you... You look gorgeous and are still brilliant despite the gazillion things that are likely on your mind right now.

  3. When I look at your picture I see a lovely lady who smiles with her eyes, who is excited to see her little one when he is done growing into a beautiful, healthy baby. I see a woman who is holding a treasure more precious than gold. May today be filled with kind, thoughtful words.

  4. Amen!
    Though my problem has been the opposite. "But you're so tiny! Really? You're that far along already?" Thanks for implying I'm malnourishing my child -- that I'm ALREADY failing at motherhood.

    Also, the other day at work the swelling of my feet became a topic of conversation. NOT initiated by me. "Are your feet swollen? Look at her feet, do they look bigger? Yeah, they do. Yeah, I think your feet are swollen."

    You know, I don't point out that your face looks extra oily today. I don't comment when you look like you've gained weight. I don't comment on how stumpy that outfit makes you look.

    I don't comment on your physical appearance... so please lay off mine, okay? I'm pregnant, but I still have bodily rights!

  5. You are beautiful inside and out. Your gifts that you share with your family and us are also beautiful and incredible. People say a lot of things and I just don't know why. When in doubt say something nice and let it be. Mercy! I can't believe you heard all of that in a span of weeks. Growing another human is an incredible gift. I don't think we know how to handle that gift and the growing that comes with it in this country. I seriously don't and it makes me sad. You are a stunning mama inside and out. Thanks for sharing and standing up! Peace, Angela

  6. You're glowing :)
    Pregnant women are beautiful!

  7. I think you're beautiful inside and out! (grow baby, grow)

  8. All have been said! Viva healthy pregnancy, healthy baby and happy mama! You're beautiful!

    Manon xxx

  9. YOU are a gorgeous glowing mama....... and I quite agree with this post!

  10. ok you do look full of life in that picture

  11. Well I didn't write this post for all the compliments but I'll take them! Thanks to each of you for stopping by to share. I love you all, truly.

  12. it really blew my mind the things that people will say to a pregnant woman! all sort of inappropriate comments and unsolicited advice were constantly spewing from the mouths of total strangers.

    when my first baby was two weeks old we went to the coffee shop. the gal behind the counter commented on how cute my baby was and then paused, looked down at my belly, and asked when my next one was due!! i could have thrown up on her.

  13. right on, mama! you ARE glowing!!! (i think people do want to acknowledge - and they just have no idea how to do so appropriately! thanks for spreading the word!)


Thanks for sharing!