Healing Through Writing

I have never considered myself a "writer."  And even though I've been writing my blog for a few years now, I just had a new realization...this space is helping me heal old wounds associated with writing.

You see, going back to first grade, I distinctly remember a traumatic experience at a spelling bee.  I was sitting in a college classroom with several other students.  It was my first spelling bee (and my last).  It was my turn and the word was "once."  I remembered the rules like a good student would.  Repeat the word (once) and then spell it, then repeat the word again.  I spoke, "Once."  "O."  Then I thought about it again, to make sure I was getting it right.  Ok... "O-N-C-E.  Once."  Phew...I got it right.

Then, the teacher spoke up, and told me I spelled it wrong because I said two "o's."  She proceeded to rewind the tape so we could all hear it again.  I was mortified.  I was only six.  I was sitting there in my seat, while my "mistake" was put on display for all to hear. I left the room crying and luckily my parents were waiting for me in the hallway.

From that moment on, I accepted my new thought, "I am a bad speller."  And I equated "bad speller" with "bad writer" for many years.

Skip to fourth grade.  I had some very controlling catholic schoolteachers at this age. Conformity seemed to be of the utmost importance.  I can see this clearly now just thinking back to the way they taught me "handwriting."

My teachers seemed obsessed with making sure I wrote with a perfect "slant."  My letters had to go to the right.  For any left-handed student, you know that this can be a challenge.  But we do what it takes to get it "right."  I tried everything, like turning my paper to a slant and kinking my neck so far to the right so I could see over my hand.

And not only did I write "too up and down," I was also told I wrote "too wide."  One of my teachers would even sneak up behind me and rip the pencil out of my hand to make sure I wasn't gripping "too hard!"  It seems so ridiculous now.  How cool would it have been had they focused their energy on teaching me about self-worth and personal expression, rather than pointing out my so-called writing flaws?

By the end of the year I had won the "Best Handwriting" award.  What it should have said was, "Best Job at Conforming and Doing What it Takes to Get the Grade" award.  I did it. I learned how to be a good student and get my teacher's approval.

In college I had a lot of friends who were "writers" but I never thought I was one.  I could never be one of "them" because I was a terrible speller and therefore a terrible writer.

After college I landed a job where writing was part of my job description.  I felt like a fake. A phony.  I definitely didn't believe I was a writer, but I played the part well.

I've journaled for years and years and years...writing in secret.  And I was scared to start a blog, mainly because I didn't want people to see my misspellings and grammatical errors.  But I did it anyway and have never looked back.  After blogging for a bit I started embracing a new thought..."I like writing."  And after my recent computer cleanse I was reminded that writing helps me process.  It helps me release my creative energy.  It has helped me find my voice.  And it continues to be an amazing self-discovery tool that helps me heal and grow.  I love to write.  I have to write.

I write with mistakes, wide, up and down, upside down, over and out, inward and outward...

This is me.

Imperfect.

Complete.

Whole.

Your Personal Reflection:  So many of the beliefs we embrace now were formed from our past experiences.  What thoughts are you ready to release?  BEcome and BE yourself - today and always (despite what anyone told you in the past).  NOW is the time to set yourself free.  Think a new, positive thought and you will truly start to heal and change your life.

Have you ever wanted to start a blog, but let fear get in the way?  Maybe you read blogs, but never leave comments?  Is today the day you'll express YOUR voice through words?

Let Your Dreams Bloom

I received quite a few emails and comments over the last few days in response to my Lessons from a Computer Cleanse post and it looks like I'm not the only one fumbling through my days trying to find "time" for it all!  Thanks to those of you who reached out, offered suggestions and shared your own struggles.  I truly believe that when we relate and connect in an authentic way we invite Life to help us expand and grow.

Life doesn't have to be hard, overwhelming, and full to the brim, yet most of us find ourselves trying to keep our head above water.  There's just too much to do and not enough time in the day.  So we find ourselves day-in and day-out repeating those old thoughts and patterns...If I only had more money...If I only had more time...If he would just do this...If she would just do that...I should be doing this...and I really shouldn't be doing that...I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, rich enough and on and on and on...

And while we are busy telling ourselves all the reasons why we can't find happiness NOW life is passing us by.  NOW is the time to clear out our mental clutter, because just as there is beauty that comes from clearing out the weeds in the garden, there is beauty inside you waiting to bloom.

As you move through your day today become more aware of the beauty you see around you and within you.  Truly take the time to stop and smell the flowers.  There is wisdom in that beauty, just as there is wisdom in you.

Life is beautiful.  YOU are beautiful.  Let yourself and your dreams bloom, because YOU deserve happiness and YOU have goodness to share with the world.

Your Personal Reflection:  What would you do with your life if time and money were not a concern?  Are you wasting time and energy on negative mental clutter?  What beauty do you see, around you and within you, when you stop to smell the flowers?

Have you signed up to receive my monthly newsletter?  In my next issue I'll be sharing some tips on how to change your thoughts and ways to create more time in your daily life to allow your dreams to bloom. Sign-up today.